Who Am I?

For the class (Modern American Literature) I started today, the professor asked us to write a three-page narrative answering the questions, "Who Am I?" and "Why Am I Here?" It was actually kind of cathartic to write, and it helped me assign meaning to some of the mundane aspects of my daily life. This is my abbreviated answer to the first question.


My perfect Saturday morning would involve baking cookies, listening to NPR, and settling in with a good book, my cat, and a cup of tea. I buy books more quickly than I can read them and always have at least 20 checked out from the library. I'm very passionate about and interested in doing research in my two major fields, religious studies and English literature. I enjoy participating in my campus newspaper because I believe journalism provides an important, informative service for the people. For the '09-'10 school year I will be the editor-in-chief of the Daily Beacon. This past year I was able to feed my obsession for proper grammar as the chief copy editor. I have also written news and a few entertainment articles for my paper.

I’ve always felt uncomfortable talking about myself, so please excuse the fact that the above paragraph is a recycled biography. It highlights all my favorite activities and the ways in which I spend most of my time. But do the things I do define who I am? They certainly occupy my mental energy and prevent me from pondering such an existential question as personal identity for a very prolonged period. Since my days are consumed with these activities, I think the best way to define who I am is to examine my reasons for spending my time on such pursuits.

Primarily, I am focused on classes and schoolwork. Why? I love to learn. My career goal is to be an eternal student, a professor. At the moment, I am looking into graduate school in Medieval Studies and/or Medieval Christianity. I loved my Chaucer class last spring. Chaucer was such an interesting guy; his personal opinions about religion, and really most topics, are difficult to discern. He wanted his readers to come to their own conclusions about him. I like that he wanted his readers to expand their minds, to make their own judgments. I would like to be that kind of professor when I “grow up.” I want to aid my students’ intellectual growth, but I want that growth to be independent of my own opinions and interpretations.

Secondly, during the regular school year I spend a good deal of time working at the Daily Beacon. The amount of time I spend there will increase quite a bit this next year, because, as I said above, I will be the editor-in-chief. My friends at the Beacon work there in order to gain journalistic experience, but I’m not interested in a career in journalism. I participate because I think the Beacon provides an important service to UT’s students. All good journalism should be informative and expose the truth when necessary. I know the Beacon at times falls short of such a lofty goal, as many journalistic outfits do these days. Journalistic integrity and quality are declining. An article I read claims that journalists have brought about their own demise, as they have forgotten the most important standard of quality: “Substantive writing and reporting isn't everything, it's the only thing.” So, the reason I work at the Daily Beacon is because of a sense of social duty.

I’m also on Issues Committee. We’re responsible for spending a large portion of the student activities fee to bring “interesting and informative speakers” to campus. I like being on Issues because, well, to be honest, it’s pretty cool to meet famous, or semi-famous, people. Also, it’s a bit aggravating because UT students seem so disengaged and uninterested in most of our events. Name recognition drives attendance, but our best speakers are usually those little-heard-of writers, who really are experts, but get little to no interest from UT students. So, indirectly, my membership on Issues Committee shows that I wish students would show interest in something other than beer, parties, and the resulting meaningless sex. That was a bit of an odd connection to make, but I’m really disappointed by my peers’ apathetic detachment from political issues and intelligent discourse in general.

I’m in a handful of other organizations, which I hope speak to a facet of my personal identity, but sometimes I worry my activities become just another line on the resume. Since childhood, I always defined myself in terms of religion. My parents and I attended a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and then a Southern Baptist church. Seeing the light of liberalism in college, I’m appalled by the political agendas and hypocrisies of the evangelical churches of my past. I know this is true of many different denominations and of other religions, but regardless it’s disheartening to see such bureaucracy diminish spirituality. Humanity is fallible, and I’ve pretty much lost faith in organized religion, as a result of a few experiences that I won't mention here. That doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith in God, but I’m still in the process of sorting out my beliefs and discerning the proper way to honor God. So, my religious experience at this point means I am seeking truth about existence, whatever “truth” means and wherever I may find it.

So, who am I? I am a student, hopefully an eternal one; I am a journalist who writes out of a sense of social duty; I am a young adult, disappointed by the apathy of my peers; and I am a seeker of divine and existential truth.